gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the day after is always just damage control
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
