She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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