I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
