Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
