thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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