ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
