Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
