i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
