mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize