Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
