A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize