Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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