Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
