my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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