he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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