I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
