I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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