No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
