why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
