Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
