allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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