But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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