Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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