the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
porn star boner night. come get it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
