5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
