you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
