took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
