I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
