Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
