It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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