margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
