I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
