I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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