We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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