Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
