I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
