I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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