the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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