You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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