I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
