laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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