I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
