i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was born a porn star she said
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drunk is not a location!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
