you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
