Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
