we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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