I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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