I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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