I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
