Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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