I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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