He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
