i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
