I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize