You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
