I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize