We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
