She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
