don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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