Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
