in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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