Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
