How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
