I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
