Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
