He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He shit in the fireplace
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize